Glasses

My step-daughter got glasses today. She is officially farsighted. Ahh, those were the days….the huge frames that touched your cheeks when you smiled…..4 eyes. I’m sure the people without glasses will not quite understand this blog, but maybe it will give you an appreciation for good eyes. So here it is – all about glasses. Contacts are another blog.

The big frames I had when I was little made me slightly resemble a grasshopper. If I didn’t completely feel like wearing them, I wouldn’t. And I still would be able to read large print and make out shapes of things. After a while, I would wake up in the morning and not be able to see the clock in my room. And I’m all about sleeping in, so this was a major setback for me. I would have to do more than just a mere glance at the clock now. Now I would either have to get out of bed and look at the clock, then get tucked back in thinking “ahh, just another 7 minutes to lay here”, which didn’t really appeal to me. Or I could keep my glasses next to my bed, and put them on right when I started to wake up and fall asleep with them on my face. So that’s what I did. Actually, I still do that.

Then came the day I could get contacts (after years of asking for them), must have been the product of a tax refund? I loved my contacts. I was immediately hooked. Then people thought I got them colored, because one of my eyes was green, and one was brown. Well, then I had to slide them off of my eyes and show them that I’m naturally a freak…or a cat, it’s not something I chose to do. It is so funny to watch people in the midst of realizing this! There was still a problem with that “waking up” ordeal. So I decided I would just accidentally fall asleep with them in my eyes, and wake up and BE ABLE TO SEE! It was great! Then a few years later, my eye doctor said that I had significant eye damage because I had slept with them in on numerous (um, actually every night) occasions. So back to glasses we were. By this time, my eyes are pretty bad. I can’t make out facial expressions on people or read a letter unless it was 5 inches from my face. Stuck with glasses. Bye, my beautiful contacts. Hello, …..ahh, let me make a list of this instead of a paragraph. (Just talked to my dad, and he gave me some of these. Funny man, he is! As a side note, I’m trying to convince him to blog.)

*Winter time. It’s a trap with “glasses” people. Every time you walk indoors from being outside, you suddenly feel like you’re in the middle of a big thick cloud. Fog.
*Baking. Open the oven to take the food out – more fog.
*Waking up, like I said…this is still a problem for me!! I even have an oversized number alarm!
*Okay, my big one is – the shower! Now, no contacts. Glasses. You can’t wear glasses in the shower (although I have a few times)! How do you expect me to shave in the shower when I can hardly make out the shape of my legs?! And hot baths just aren’t relaxing if you still feel like you’re somewhat “dressed”. That’s the point of a hot bath, isn’t it? I’m not a huge fan of clothes, though.
*Sunglasses. Now, these would have been the coolest things ever, had I been able to wear them! When I first got contacts, I bought 2 pair of sunglasses right along with ‘em – I was SO excited. But you can’t put sunglasses over glasses. They’re just not cool. Tinted glasses take forever to go back to normal, and the clip on sunglasses get lost every hour!
*The goofy things are always sliding down your nose, especially when it’s hot out. And here you are, pushing them up 5 times every minute.
*You can’t wear a mask on Halloween. No masks fit over glasses. And winter masks won’t work with glasses either.
*You get a glare on glasses in the summer time, and that’s just irritating.
*Depth perception gets off – and you can’t hit a golf ball right.
*They always break on vacation and you don’t have the screwdriver to fix it, and here your lense has popped out, and you can’t fix the things.
*You can’t go waterskiing or do any water sport, for that matter. (I remember diving into the pool one time and forgot I had them on, and had to swim to the drain at the bottom to retrieve them) Swimming is a no-can-do.
*When you can’t find your glasses, and start to look for them…..see where I’m going with this? If you can’t see without them, how will you find them? My mom has been guilty of looking for her glasses only to find them on her head a couple of times.
*Now let’s say you sit on them, or bend them somehow. Your eyebrows look lopsided for the next 4 days, until you get them back to normal. You never get them bent back to the perfect shape they were to fit YOUR head specifically.
*When you pick up little kids, the first thing they do is grab them off your head. Then you have little fingerprints all over them, and it’s time for a cleaning……
*Only when you grab a Kleenex at most houses, they won’t come clean with the Kleenex that has lotion, and the scented ones don’t work either. Then you end up with a bigger mess than what you started with!
*You can’t put a sweatshirt (or most shirts, for that matter) on with glasses. If you leave them on, they end up on your belly and you have to go fishing for them and re-straighten your shirt then when you’re done.
*You can’t be too close to another human head, cause that natural body oil is about impossible to get off your lenses. So wear protective gear for kissing……
*So here we are at safety glasses. They don’t fit over your regular glasses, so you have to get the oversized ones, which ……well, you just need to try it.
*That glasses case takes up room in your purse, and most of us have limited room as it sits already!

But hey, you can see better with them!