I have been struggling with sleep. There. I said it.
Scenario 1: I have too much to do during the day that by the time night comes, I feel like sitting at my craft desk to have some down time - or putzing around the house putting it in somewhat of an order. Some Amie time. Recompose myself and think about the day and what tomorrow's day will bring. the problem with this is that I feel a little sleepy and finally look at the clock and it says something like 2:38 am. And I think Oh! Harry will be up in 2 1/2 hours. I better go to bed. The kids will be up in 4 1/2 hours. then when I wake up I am reminded of the morning Andy died and opening my eyes and seeing him already gone. Hear a child awake and I think "oh no - what did I miss?"
Scenario 2: I decide to go to bed on time (10). But I lay in bed and twiddle my thumbs, pick on Harry, or count all the shiny mirror things scattered on my ceiling. Usually end up crying. This is the perfect condition to lay in bed and think about "my feelings". Ugh. I, quite honestly, try to stay busy enough that this won't happen. Most often I think about Andy. What I should have/could have done. But where he is. And how hard some days are. Women's emotions + Sleeping husband = trouble.
I have been waking up with Harry for 2 whole days, and I can actually see a progress in my house! But sometimes, I long for sleep. A good night's sleep with no crying. No having to hold back emotions. No nightmares. No helpless feeling when I open my eyes in the morning. Then I read this today.
Proverbs 20:13 Do not love sleep or you will grow poor;
stay awake and you will have food to spare.
And you know how I like food to spare. that means more cooking and baking. and you can't beat that.