I got nothin'.

Knew I needed to blog today, but not sure about what. My floor is swept, my dishes are done, my 3 loads of laundry is waiting to be folded and put away, and my half-caff coffee is waiting for Coffee-Mate, and then to be drank. I have a couple rooms full of "garage sale" boxes, along with an entire attic. Seriously, I want to get rid of EVERYTHING. Bananas are brown on the counter - I will be making banana bread today, along with chocolate cookies this weekend.

Ask me what "Doyle's Ditty" was last night at INSTE? Ask me! It's from Paul Harvey and it says "If you don't live it you don't believe it". It is going on my fridge for a long long long time.

My sister bought me one of these and I am going to make popcorn every day of the rest of my life, I think. She's the best. It came with a recipe book!!! Let me just share a recipe that I want to try out this weekend - Italian Breadstick-Style Popcorn

1 T Basil (my FAVORITE)
1 T parsley
1 lg. garlic clove, or 1/4 t. powder
1 t. salt
2 T olive oil

5 T popping corn
2 T olive oil

Lately.....

I am feeling a little discouraged today. To give you a recap of the last week. My step-son has been difficult at his mother's house. She has asked us to take him a few times in the last few months. He is too big for her to physically handle him and he is acting out. So with Harry being gone, I agreed to take him, but it had to be for a minimum of 6 months. So Sept. 2nd, we will reevaluate, but for now I will be getting guardianship of him. Last week went GREAT at home, and he had a little trouble at school. yesterday he had a great day at school, and we had a difficult night.

Let me just say he didn't come to the van after school like he was supposed to, which only escalated from there. He referred to me as his fake mom yesterday. Let me just say I am very frustrated with his mother, and am trying to keep that under control. He did great with the schedule and rules last week, but I feel like I am trying to redo the last 8 years of learning all at once. I was telling God last night that I am so weary, and He whispered a reminder in my ear "Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Okay. We really can't do this without You. And we can absolutely apply Your Word when the going gets tough. So there's a little prayer request for you. Trying to find just the right balance.

What do you need?

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My Husband

He loves me. :) Can you tell?

Harry went back to work after New Years Day, and was laid off from his job temporarily. So he stayed home and warmed up the couch a lot, trying to find a job on the internet. And I am happy to say all that warming paid off! I could keep my feet warm AND he started a job at Steris last week! He had worked at his job for 17 years, and the last couple years, he knew it was going to be time for something else in the near future. Harry has always liked to feel "secure", and when that is thrown off, he is thrown off. :) I can say that because he will love me anyway.

I will be slowing down on the blogging, I'm sure. Here's why:

He is still in Iowa, but we will only get to see him on weekends for the next 4 weekends or so. Then he will be off to Ohio for a couple weeks, and then to Pennsylvania for 9 (NINE) weeks. He is planning to be back home at least by the middle of June. I will have to fly out and see him - he is a couple hours from Niagara Falls during the Pennsylvania weeks!

Anyway, this single mom thing isn't really what I had in mind while he was couch warming. I miss him. TONS. Even in the first week, I have quickly realized how much he really does for me. He keeps the girls occupied so I can actually get caught up on loose-ends housework (laundry put away, mail sorted, etc.). He would stay in the bathroom during bath time and I could clean up from supper. He picks on me enough to keep me smiling. He did my dishes while he was home. I MISS THAT ALREADY. And I really realized it when I went to the basement today to get some cookie dough from the freezer and found 4-6 inches of water covering the floor. Cool, huh?

Sump pump went out, Ray came over with a little pump, and fixed us up for now. Things will obviously go wrong in my house before June hits, but who will fix it for me? My fantastic husband does all the work on our cars, all the heavy-duty work, lifting, maintenance on everything (even if it doesn't need it!), and still keeps my feet warm at night. I love that man. He's my best friend. The girls aren't real thrilled about him being gone - let's just leave it at that. :) come back soon, honey! But, congratulations on finding a secure job, no matter what the economy does! I know it will be well worth it at the end of this!

Just for Fun

Daddy and Tiffany peeling a little orange, making small talk. Popping all the little seeds out and setting them beside the peels. And very matter-of-factly, Tiffany says "And Jesus said Don't eat the seeds."

I wonder what she is referring to......
Luke 8:15 But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart.....
1 Peter 1:23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.

And yesterday she was holding her baby and asked her 2 year old sister "What does a baby say?" and her sister wipes her eyes and answers "WAAAAA" and Tiffany the Teacher says "Very Good!!" in a very encouraging voice.

Or when they fight like crazy girls until they are upstairs in bed, then it's a big slumber party....giggling and laughing. Tiffany tries to talk her sister into doing who knows what.....and follows up with "Oh Come on! Be FUN!"

Most days...if I stop what I'm doing and just watch them - I can't help but crack up.

Deals for the day

Old Navy had a Valentine's Coupon: $5 off any purchase when you color a valentine. So we did. All of us. :) So we had 5 coupons = $25 off today! Woo Hoo! White pack of socks to the left were marked 8.99, plus 50% off. $4.50 with a $5 coupon is FREE! The white shirts, blue shirts, and brown pants to the left were on sale for 2 FOR $6. So Tiffany and Stacy bought their own. $6 minus $5 coupon = $1.00 for 2 items. Stoked. Then the individual socks were 10 for $10. So those ended up to be $5 after the coupon. Then we headed to Younkers and bought TWO 2-packs of leggings on the right. The 2-packs were $22.00, marked down to $5.14!

Total today (including tax) for 6 pants, 4 shirts, and 20 socks in the picture: 8.56 Old Navy + 10:28 Younkers = $18.84
New clothes that will fit this year = priceless.

Save Some Money with me.

My name is Amie, and I am a coupon-holic. I love words like BOGO (buy one get one) and FREE! I have had a lot of questions about where I get my coupons and how much time it really takes. I guess this disease I have is contagious? So here goes all my secrets ;)

#1. The Recycle Center. It is a bit humbling digging through the newspaper bin for coupon inserts, but seriously - more coupons than you will need. But they are free - beats a $2 paper every week.

#2. Click here: The Coupon Loop - great.

#3. And here: SD - seriously great.

#4. Target Coupons

#5. Betty Crocker Coupons

#6. Pillsbury Coupons

#7. Smart Source Online

#8. Coupons.com

#9. Search by Store

#10. Or circulars for all local stores here

#11. A few great blogs:
Coupon Geek
Coupon Saving Family
Savvy Savings Tucson
Frugal in Virginia
Common Sense With Money
The downfall? Different states = different grocery stores. Haven't found one in Iowa yet. So I'd like to be it. Except by the time I get done reading and looking at all this, I don't have much time to type out my grocery list with corresponding store and coupon deals. But I am going to start trying. But I need your vote!!! Should I post this stuff on my this blog - or use the "Save a buck" blog?

What would you like to know about saving money??

Baby, Baby

Ahhhhhhhh.....

We made it through the year.

We have been without you for a whole year, but you are still just as real in our hearts. Our love for you has not faded, has not been forgotten. Although I have missed your new baby smell, and the classic first birthday cake pictures ... you somehow have this imprint on my soul that I am confident will never leave me. So much of you has made me who I am, and your life continues to make me into who I am to be. I have learned so much by having you on the earth for a blink of an eye, and have grown so much by having to learn to let you go, and especially by reaching out to my Savior -- the One who holds you now -- the One that has held me this year, and the One that will hold us together someday. Actually, I know you're the lucky one. I bet you're having a celebration of a lifetime today.....and every day. I miss you so much!

Trying to be patient.....

-Mommy

Stacy Jean Is 2 Today!

My parents drove down all the way from Minnesota to come to Chuck E. Cheese's for Stacy's 2nd Birthday! I was so excited! This is classic:

Stacy and Me eating cake off the candles. :)

Daddy and DarinTiffany very excited about her tickets to put in the Ticket Muncher!
Aunt Wendy and Jerry came!

And Tessa and Christopher!And Cameron and Brenda and sweet girls!

I was so happy they all came out today and we got to hang out together. My brother wasn't able to make it, but we still adore him. :) Believe it or not, this is the first real party we have had for a birthday - we usually just hang out at home and have cake and ice cream with presents, then a bath, then bed.

I leaned over to Harry today and told him that this sure beats the c-section 2 years ago! She came out something like this:

Stacy cracks me up. She makes faces and eye contact that can crack me up in 0.5 seconds. :) I wouldn't trade her for anything!!! Even on her bad days! Love you Stacy!

Question of the Day

If you never comment on my blog, today is the day!

My hubby and I are in a bit of a debate. And it's so important that I thought I'd ask my bloggy friends:

???? What age, in your opinion, is Over The Hill ????

Brrrrr

It's not really news to say that it's cold out. I think we all know that. But seriously....this picture was taken inside my house - normally there is not too much draft in the kitchen. But today, we got this:






Cool, huh?





The little hinges on the door were white with frost, too. Nice. And I wonder why the girls are found in my bed in the morning. Queen sized bed - 4 people. Guess I can't blame them, though. My morning breath rocks.

Scrappin' Girls

So my amazing weekend is recorded here. A scrapbooking retreat that I really really really really wanted. And I was looking at not going - it wasn't exactly in the budget. And then my friend calls me and says my weekend has been taken care of and all I have to do is show up - because they just want me to go. A couple days later, my husband gets laid off from his job - making the $70 weekend out of the question without these two women.

These 2 wonderful ladies paid my weekend - I spent a total of $8.19. $4 on paper and $4.19 on a rare treat my hubby doesn't find much. 4 grams of trans fat per serving - these things are awesome. But SO not good for you. Aaaaanyway.....I got Andy's scrapbook DONE up to the point of his gravestone being placed in the cemetery. And I cried a lot. No, it was more like a ton. By Saturday afternoon, I wasn't even going to attempt to reapply make-up. And it was healing - amazingly healing. And the best part? I had two women who were there for me. There's not a whole lot of support in my bedroom at my craft desk upstairs after everyone has gone to sleep. I had friends to cry with, and pause with, and reflect with, and talk with, and laugh with.....at laugh at. :) And they helped me keep on keeping on. I took a couple breaks, but I accomplished what I went there to accomplish - and Jenni and Sarah made such a difference in my life by holding me up and encouraging me and being so giving by taking care of my cost, and by just being there with me. I love them both. so. so. much. Jenni doesn't have a blog....yet.....but Sarah does - so stop on by here and give her a little love. She has great reads. :)

And on the 4th day.....

Harry is home today for his 4th day in a row. He has this "sit and relax with me" way about him. So how could I argue?

and I haven't finished anything. We watched a couple movies. We are taking turns playing this. And we have planted ourselves on the couch. for 4 days. Tiffany is sick today - she has a bowl in hand, and eyes glued to the tv - on the couch. So I will pick up some lysol spray tonight, but until then - here we will sit. :)

For 4 days?!

Women of all tongue sizes....

I woke up early this morning, and came downstairs to READ A BOOK - I KNOW!!! Me, read a book....and as I thumbed through it, it turns out - I've actually finished this one before!! ;) "A Wife After God's Own Heart". So there is another tally mark for the rare "finished book" chart. Woo hoo!

It talks about the tongue. Evil little thing. A crabby, cranky, nagging, quarrelsome, complaining, ill-tempered wife is biblical. The Bad kind of biblical, though - ranks right up there with tax collectors. She writes "It not only drives a husband crazy, but it can also drive him away. To escape the constant drip, drip, drip of a wife's sour, negative words, a husband will choose to live in the attic, on the porch, on the rooftop, or even in the wilds. He would rather risk the elements, do without the shelter and comfort of home, even take his chances against the threat of wild animals than stay one more second in the presence of a belligerent wife." That's quite the power we have there, ladies!

(paraphrased from book)
My speech is to be:
**soft. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
**sweet. Pleasant words promote instruction and understanding.
**suitable. kind, sweet words have a medicinal effect on both body and soul.
**scant. Sometimes the most skillful use of the tongue is keeping it still.
**slow. Listen much, speak little, and not become angry.

Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

Merry Christmas to Me, who is Me anyway?

My Christmas gift came today: Amy Knapp's Christian Family Organizer.

I don't know what I would do without it!!! It came today FedEx. In the process of realizing the FedEx man was stuck in my driveway and needed a shovel, I understood how devoted this man was to bring me my beloved Organizer. So the first thing I did after he got unstuck, is rip open the package and see 2 organizers - the one I ordered AND the "Expecting" Family Organizer....ya, for pregnant women. I wonder if that was supposed to be a funny joke from God. I chuckled as if to say "in your dreams", and maybe he chuckled to say "if you only knew". Let's hope I was right. So I called to see if they wanted me to send it back, but if they don't want it back, do YOU know of anyone who just found out they are expecting??
Moving on...

weekly verse, calendar of before and after months at bottom, weekly grocery list with full-page perforated edge!, daily menu planner on the right, To Do List (very important), and a prayer list - everything you'd need in a planner, right? Love this thing!!! And as I was transferring birthdays into the new planner, I ran across "ANDY DIED" on January 28th, 2008 and got a little choked up as I skimmed what that week held (visitation and funeral arrangements), and glanced up at that weeks verse to the left which says "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth." -Proverbs 27:1 NIV

And yes, I chuckled again. At the simple reminder of Andy -- that I am not actually in control. Control flairs up for me at Christmas time. I am in charge of buying, wrapping, writing, organizing (which Amy Knapp helps me do), and well.....managing. So -- balance all that with "I am not in control here". I get confused on this whole issue. In our INSTE study, we had a week that looked at "God is not pleased with self-sufficiency". And I've had to re-evaluate my control issue -- and really worked at balancing this problem I have.

Let me tell you a secret: I have a problem asking for help. With everything. Unless its my husband, that poor guy tolerates mountains of my help-needs and emotional issues. So...my point is...if I pride myself on "doing it all myself" and then I read "God is not pleased with self-sufficiency".... yes, that means change. And change means accepting "you do not know what a day may bring forth".... and changing in being prideful about how much I don't need God - because I just bet that makes Him cringe. How does one go from being "in control of the decisions of my life" to "Letting God be in complete control". And how to approach that change without a "demoted" attitude? That's a whole lotta change for one person. ESPECIALLY when it's Christmas, and I should be open to guidance to shine the light of Jesus - because that's what Christmas is about!!!

I probably should have thought that out a little more before I typed all that. :)

Merry Christmas to you and your families!!! I wish you a self-controlless Christmas! :)

This is LOVE

This is me and my 2 sisters on vacation last summer. I LOVE THEM!!!!!

I love that I can call them my closest friends. Comfortable. :) Now, although we try not to make a habit out of being weird about being close, we can share a bathroom, tell each other when something is in our teeth, fix each other's make-up, give kisses to each other's children, and let each other in on the embarassing things that no one else would tell us about. I love my sisters.

VERY IMPORTANT: if you see the sister in the middle, "WENDY", give her a hug! She has a phobia. Please help her. And if you see the one on the right, "BRENDA", tell her how beautiful she is! She is in denial. And if you see me, ask me to make you a plate of cookies. I learned from my ever-so-talented Mommy. My beautiful mommy that taught me everything she knows. :)

Andy's Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDY!

The last few weeks have been so emotional - then today came - and it went great! Bittersweet, that's for sure - but comforting. Harry took the day off today. We played in the snow a little, took a bath and nap, picked up some balloons, then went to the cemetery. My parents purchased one of these candles (pictured below) for Andy's birthday. You light the candle that goes inside the blue holder, put the lid on, and it will burn for 7 days. So we lit it again today, the 19th, and it will burn until Christmas. At night time, the flame looks red with glowing blue around it - it is beautiful. A light in the darkness. Very visible from the road. We love it!

And a beautiful wreath with butterflies from Aunt Wendy's family.

The girls both shouted out when they saw the ELMO balloon at the store, so that was the obvious choice for a first birthday party. :)

We each got our own balloon, and yelled up to Andy as we sent them off. "Say HI to Jesus for us!" "Happy Birthday" "We miss you!" "Have fun with your Elmo balloon!" "Love You"

then we brought the girls to amazing people....perhaps angels.... for a few hours. Harry and I went out to eat, stopped at a couple stores, and just got a chance to relax and spend some time together - something we've really needed! Then picked the very happy girls up and went home to have Andy's blue jello cake. We had to sing REALLY LOUD to make sure he heard us. And big sisters always help blow out the first candle.

This next one is a for you - a video: Stacy got to "cough" the candle out this time. :)

We sure do miss you, little guy.

Held

I was talking to my sister last week and she was wondering how I look so strong on the outside, because inside it must be killing me. I love her. And as I was driving home, I was praying for the chance to explain it the best way I could - and the song "Held" came on. I, for the first time, started really listening to the words. Then came the lightbulb in my head. Thank you, Lord. Instantly answered prayer - why can't they all be this easy? "We survive."

And his birthday next week........so held. "We will survive."

I unpacked a Christmas box filled with ornaments, and found a couple "baby's first Christmas" ornaments ready to be hung on the tree. I had packed it last year in January while Andy was still alive. And I dug a little more and found two little onesies 3-6 month size. "And to know that the promise was when everything fell we'd be held."

Go Here and listen if you have a minute today.

Prayertime

Daddy prayed at supper tonight, and Stacy followed right along. It went something like this:

Lord, thank you for this food....
(echo) Food...

and please bless it to our bodies....
(echo) o potty...

I love life's smiles. Especially the unexpected ones.

Andy

Been thinking lately...

Next month Andy would have been one year old. He most likely would have been walking by now. Would be taking plenty of abuse from his bully sisters, and been able to eat table food with us. He would have been able to hold his own, I'm sure.

I still cry.

You know, I had 3 babies in the hospital, and with each one, I read those SIDS pamphlets - "studies show.....laying babies on their backs are less likely to die of SIDS". And, I always tossed it aside like I was exempt. Saying to myself "oh, that wouldn't apply to me. I love babies. and mommies who love their babies - and LIKE their babies ....well, it just wouldn't apply. Look how healthy he is. Why do they even give these pamphlets out? I suppose it would apply to SOMEONE, though. By the time Andy was born, I had laid both my girls on their bellies with pillows sometimes, and they were just fine". I still hear that from people so much. Which is one reason why I hesitate to write this today. Because - In my head, I understand that the guilt I carry from Andy's death is wrong. And i still can't let go of it. It's become something I have to ask God to keep taking - daily. Somehow, I manage to snatch it back from Him - daily. This was the last picture I took of him alive:




And this was the next one on my camera:

I can still smell the funeral home. A bit like men's cologne. How did this seemingly perfect-packaged life we had get so tangled in a few short minutes? Andy died. I have yet to say that out lout, believe it or not. Call that lack of acceptance, I guess.

*How many kids do you have?
*How old are your kids?
*Any boys?
*Wow, you have your hands full.
*About time for another one?
And with each of these questions and comments I get from strangers, I have to pause and remember that it's wrong to punch in the face. Obviously, they just wouldn't have any way of knowing... I feel a blow to the heart, but most of the time I just smile. And it's about that time when I hear a baby cry in Wal-Mart as another mom is yelling at her children to be quiet and I think to myself "if she only knew what the silence was like...."


and I cry.


I still have visions and nighmares about my girls dying. And the possibility of that happening....blah, blah, blah. Reason has not worked very deep in my heart yet, although it has tried taking over in my head. AND I REALIZE:

The condition in my heart is going to overpower anything I have going on in my head. I will come back to blogging some day.