Now who will help me EAT the food?

Country Livin'

My hubby found this site:

http://www.kountrylife.com/contents.htm

Seriously. How to weigh a pig without a scale... lol

Wordless Wednesday.

Kitchen Updated

Although the carpet in the kitchen was comfortable......

This was proof that it HAD to go! We rent this house, by the way, and this is what we found under the carpet. A very thin padding - and can you imagine how long this has been here?? GROSS!My new floor with my coffee mat. :) When I get the walls painted and border up, I'll post it for ya.

2008 SIDS Walk

I want to thank everyone for showing us so much support!! We had a great time at the SIDS walk! It was very bittersweet.



My friend, Christi. She drove all the way up to Mason City to support me. She dropped everything with little info of what was going on the morning Andy died and came to watch the girls while we were at the hospital with him. She is the most amazing friend. She drove over to bring me cheddar bay biscuits when I was having one of those pregnant cravings. She's always here to talk to. I love her.

But, let's play a game - how many chins does Amie have? and Christi - how do you get your teeth so white??

and here is the balloon release - we had a welcome and memorial time for our babies and then released the balloons. as I watched them fly up into the cloudless blue sky, I was overwhelmed. Harry and I held each other and sobbed. I understood where Andy was. I watched the many balloons floating together and I was amazed - that's too many babies.

They had popcorn, snow cones, face/hand painting, air-jumping for the kids, and...

Raffles. My girls won this girly basket with lots of summer activities - they chased bubbles for a good 20 minutes after opening it.

As I watched the line of many many people in front of us during the walk, and babies names on posters along the path, I just walked with tears. Where have these people been? What is their story? Which baby brought them there that day? How old was their baby?
How can this many babies just die in their sleep? And I realized that someone had to find each of these babies lifeless in what was supposed to be a refreshing rest. And so it began - for each one of these families - this sudden whirlwind of disbelief and doubt. That paralizing reality. I knew with my brain that I was not the only one - but being there made my heart agree. This and the balloon release were my favorite parts.

I have such a blessing for a family - for making sure my girls were taken care of on a very emotional day. For dropping everything else and coming to show their support - for the donations they received, as well as their own for SIDS, for standing together for us every step of the way, I could go on and on.......I just love them.

Brenda and Stacy - Crack me up.

I got to meet so many friendly, great people. The whole day was an enormous blessing!

I Laughed So Hard I Cried.

Click on the picture for a zoom-in. It is so me. :)

Sleepy Head

I have been struggling with sleep. There. I said it.
Scenario 1: I have too much to do during the day that by the time night comes, I feel like sitting at my craft desk to have some down time - or putzing around the house putting it in somewhat of an order. Some Amie time. Recompose myself and think about the day and what tomorrow's day will bring. the problem with this is that I feel a little sleepy and finally look at the clock and it says something like 2:38 am. And I think Oh! Harry will be up in 2 1/2 hours. I better go to bed. The kids will be up in 4 1/2 hours. then when I wake up I am reminded of the morning Andy died and opening my eyes and seeing him already gone. Hear a child awake and I think "oh no - what did I miss?"

Scenario 2: I decide to go to bed on time (10). But I lay in bed and twiddle my thumbs, pick on Harry, or count all the shiny mirror things scattered on my ceiling. Usually end up crying. This is the perfect condition to lay in bed and think about "my feelings". Ugh. I, quite honestly, try to stay busy enough that this won't happen. Most often I think about Andy. What I should have/could have done. But where he is. And how hard some days are. Women's emotions + Sleeping husband = trouble.

I have been waking up with Harry for 2 whole days, and I can actually see a progress in my house! But sometimes, I long for sleep. A good night's sleep with no crying. No having to hold back emotions. No nightmares. No helpless feeling when I open my eyes in the morning. Then I read this today.

Proverbs 20:13 Do not love sleep or you will grow poor;
stay awake and you will have food to spare.

And you know how I like food to spare. that means more cooking and baking. and you can't beat that.

SIDS Walk

Hello, all.

I am taking part in a SIDS walk on Saturday, August 23rd in Mason City . As I'm sure you know, my son died of SIDS in January at just 6 weeks old, and I think this is a great opportunity to raise money for SIDS research.

I am so excited to meet other SIDS parents in person and celebrate the lives of our babies, and come together to help save all the babies we can! I have attached a link to the organization’s website in case you would like more information regarding the walk:

http://www.iowasids.org/Events/WalkInfo.htm

If you would like to make a donation, you may send me a check made payable to The Iowa SIDS Foundation. Every little bit helps, but certainly don’t feel obligated to do so. I will be taking any donations with me on Saturday; however I can forward anything after Saturday directly to the foundation. I would be more than happy to pick up any donations as well!

You can e-mail me at IowaMother@yahoo.com with any questions! Thank you so much!!!

Vacation Truths

We were on vacation this week! Thank you, Mom and Dad!

*Sandcastles rock. And becoming a sand mermaid is even better - but requires quite the bath afterwards.
*Cinnamon Bun creamer tames down the gas station coffee taste. I kept it close.
*Dunkin' Donuts Decaf causes caffeine withdrawals - is that spelled the same as a bank transaction? Whatever.
*Life vests do not prevent children from sticking their face in water and breathing anyway.
*There is nothing like a warm fire on a breezy evening and a gooshy marshmallow.
*A jetski can indent if it hits the dock just right.
*An 18 month old little girl can walk right into the metal bottom of a ping pong table and have a lifetime scar - (let's hope not)
*Boys pick on girls when they are away from work for too long.
Naptime is negotiable.
*It's time for Mom to get rid of her wedding gift crock pot. I have her name for Christmas..........
*1 cent tootsie rolls and 5 cent gummies really do still exist.
*No rules for a week can do things to a kid....especially damaging a week before school starts.
*My dad bought a Wii. and Mom let him....meaning.....didn't make him take it back to the store for a full refund.
*"I have to go potty" means NOW.
*Scrapbooking stores make me grin.
*Family is lovely.

And the laundry starts........
And the SIDS walk is in one week.........

Dog Treats

Went outside today and found my 18 month old eating Sadie's dog food. Then Olivia was dropping the pebbled food through a hole in the top of the porch swing landing on her brother's head.

Went back in the house for about 20 minutes, and I kept hearing the door opening and a bag rustle and door opening again. So after the third or fourth time, I asked them what they were doing. "Oh, just giving Sadie a dog treat."

"Okay. Just not all at once, okay?"

"Okay" and then seconds later in a somber voice "I have your meal, Prisoner."

Smile and shake my head - could have been keeping Sadie hostage, or feeding the treats to Stacy - hard to tell.

Greetings

I have been spending most extra minutes I have in front of my craft desk. I am making greeting cards! :) LOVE it! and with glue sticks 22 cents per 2-pack, I'm getting by pretty cheap my friends.

I will be selling these cards in a craft show. I'd like to bundle them in 10-packs. So in that 10, we have:

uplifting
anniversary/wedding
2thank you
2birthday
celebrate/enjoy
sympathy
get well
just a hello
congratulations
graduation

doesn't add up to 10, I know.
now for holidays.....separate holidays greeting pack? My question to you is:

What cards would most likely use all of - give me your perfect 10 pack!

Back to James we go.

3:17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

Who are the peacemakers? There has been some debate. I would like to go back to work in an office. Harry would like to be away from his job - and be home. We both have guilt of Andy's death. He wishes he would have been here, and I was here but was unable to save him.

Not a whole lot of people can grasp this idea, nor do I expect them to. Would I be okay going back to work? My inadequate feelings say YES. Would I make as much money as my husband does? Minus child support, maybe. We would make it. He would still work a little - fixing cars or eBay or work-at-home type things....honestly, he is incabable of Not working. It's just not in him. But there is plenty of lack-of-housework around here that he could catch up for me. :)

Harry is a great daddy. The one God said I belong with, and my perfect match. And in this whirlwind that is passing, we can both agree on a crazy idea. One that not many understand. However, we both feel this situation would be submissive to God. Not many people believe in the ways of the Word anymore. These worldly views on how a household is run is rubbish, my friends. No, there's not much in the bible about men staying home with his kids. Or about women leaving the home - to an office - to provide for her families needs. I get that. And he won't be perfect at staying at home - and I won't be perfect working outside the home. It will require helping each other.

Harry has been looking for stay-at-home work since I've known him. And long before that, I'm sure. He loves what he does, but there's something that calls him elsewhere. And by me being his wife, his helper, maybe I can help - and we both do what we think we are being called to do. Not many doors and windows have opened, but there are plenty closing! And there is one opening right around the corner, I'm quite sure. Marriage is TEAMwork, and as we became One that day - we are in this for the long haul - helping each other through on the path leading to eternity, whether it is here or there.

Where do we belong from 6am to 5 pm? To Be Determined. How important is acceptance and their understanding from others when you are going where God tells you to go? I guess both Harry and I have some learning to do in the near future - good thing we can do it together, though.

Packing

Went to Minnesota last weekend and had my parents take over the whole parenting bit. :) But when I pack for such a weekend, my bags are ready at LEAST 24 hours before we leave - minus toothbrush and things we will use up until the time we leave, of course.

So this weekend we are going to Keokuk. So bring on the laundry! And. Today. I. Pack. For. Six.

And if something - ANYthing is forgotten . . . guess who's fault it is - MOM's! And to the store we will go. . . within reason.

"Just In Case" is my packing method. lol, I am an overpacker. Just in case it rains, we will need ______. And just in case we go out at night, we will need _______. Oh, and it will probably be hot most days, so we will probably need 3 short outfits. And you have to plan for a couple spills on those 3 outfits, so we might just need to bring a couple more. Bandaids JIC, check. Medications JIC, check. Something to do if we ever get bored JIC, check. Swimwear including swim diapers and floaties JIC, check. Gardening and cardmaking magazine for the ride down and back JIC, check. Snorkel gear JIC we see some dolphins and rare fish in Iowa, check.

I Love James!

No, no - it's nothing like that.

1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

We had this verse read at Andy's funeral - and it still pierces my heart. Pure joy in the midst of all this? Amazing....


1:15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Gardening gives me special insight on full-grown.....SIN can be full-grown. I remember being there.

1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Slow to become angry. So, when my girls are slapping each other back and forth I should be slow to get angry. And when I have heard this argument of "he/she's not helping me pick up!" "She's looking at me!". Slow, slow, slow.

I could live in the world of James - he just really "got" this whole deal.....fluent, I know. My favorite book of the bible - james. You're lucky I just posted about the first chapter. :)

Laundry Day

So, Darin comes into the laundry room today and hands me his pj pants. "Here. Can you wash these?" These - as in specifically that one pair of pants.

Slowly answer "Why...?"
"Oh, (shrug) uhhh, because, ...." then holds them up to show me this brown smudge about the size of my one year old.

"What happened?"

"Well, I was eating one of those ice cream treats in bed last night and I fell asleep."

"Uhh, is it all over your bed too?"

"um, I dont' think so."

"Can you go check please?"

"Uhh.....yeah." Comes back down the stairs and says "Ya, the sheets are dirty too."

"Okay....................Would you bring those down for me to wash with the pants, too?"

"Oh, yeah!"

Just bought a new pack of paper plates last night and this morning as I went to put eggs onto a plate for all the little children, the plate package was already opened. I should have KNOWN! That Daddy.....owes me a new bottle of Shout!.

Who said the kids could eat ice cream in the living room and bedrooms when Daddy gives them a wink?? That would explain why my laptop keyboard was sticky last week......

Word of the Day

Dictionary Word of the Day:

gamine

gamine \gam-EEN; GAM-een\, noun:

1. A girl who wanders about the streets; an urchin.

2. A playfully mischievous girl or young woman

How Big.

Want to know how I really feel?

I miss him.

I miss his tiny cry and his little face and the body that used to fit into this onesie. I miss his fingers - his bent little pinkies. His toes. His squeaks as he nursed.

Friday night I cried myself to sleep. I laid his blue monkey hat next to me in bed where his head has rested next to me last. and I patted the comforter where his bottom always was. That would always relax him - then we could go back to sleep, and do it all over again when he got hungry ... in 3 hours. Held a teddy bear given to us for his funeral and cried and cried. Oh, how I miss my baby boy.

There is an anthill on the surface of his grave. And I watch, wondering how cold it is underneith. And oh, how I want to dig!! Did I wrap him warmly enough? He has a book and a webkinz just in case. And then I laugh for obvious reasons....a webkinz? and he wouldn't be reading a board book about heaven - he's THERE. And I close my eyes every time I go see him and ask God to take us. Come back for us, Lord. Come back soon. What should i do with this anthill in the meantime? How dare they - that's where my son is. He doesn't like bugs, either. If only I could just hold him for another day. Feel him wiggle, feel him warm, with no embalming fluid smell. Like mass-produced plastic. Ugh. But his beautiful little hand was perfect all the way from birth through burial. That didn't change a bit.

At the cemetery, there is a gravestone that has a worn look to it. Son of ______ Born and Died August 27, 1890. A lamb carved into the top. No flowers. And I look back at my son's stone with 4 boquets around it, pull a pretty arrangement from the ground, and place it next to this baby's stone. And I stand there and think - near 100 years ago, his mother stood in this very spot - asking God "why?". Why my baby? Crying over her son, and pouring her heart out - just as I was that day. And now, I bet she's with him again. And his stone sits unvisited, just as Andy's will be in 100 years. And just as I will be with him again.

I am going to be honest. I am haunted. Haunted by thoughts of Andy's death, finding him that morning when I opened my eyes. Pale and blue and cool when I touched him - wondering what on earth had just happened. Holding him so tightly - knowing I had never been so out of "situational control" in my whole life. He was perfectly fine 4 hours ago. CPR, Ambulance, Investigators, Questions, Funeral Arrangements, Burial, Gravestone Design. Something I never dreamed about when I went back to sleep after nursing that morning.

I don't quite know if I should be writing all this tonight, but I am just going to. If I don't hear my children for a few hours in the night, my heart sinks, and I stand at their door terrified to go into the room, and seeing flashes of what I might find. I walk in and stare at their bodies laying there until I see movement. Sometimes I will shake them a little just to see them respond. Hold a finger under their nose to feel their warm breath. And I wonder when I will stop.

I see potential dangers in a whole new light. There are movies that people see flash pictures of the future - that kind of thing. That is exactly how it happens. A close up shot of the danger, then them finding that danger, accident, dying, pain, arrangements, burial, and finding heaven ...unintentionally. Only it's not predicting anything - or helping - it's haunting. Although Andy died in his sleep, I see my other kids in accidents as well as sleeping. Or in pain - and I am unaware. I feel unaware of this life we live. and out of control. And every day I have to make a choice to submit and watch what He can do. Because if I didn't have that every morning when I walk into the girls' room, I wouldn't have anything.

I expected that God knew how He fit into the box I made for Him. Turns out, I don't think it was His favorite place to be. And He shouts - I AM THE BEGINNING AND THE END. But I LOVE you. Come and get to know me better. That coffee you are drinking - I created that. Those raspberries you are going to pick today - I made those. And me, I can rationalize that I will see Andy again, and I understand God's faithfulness and LOVE...but my little brain just can't get around this idea.....who is He? He gives and takes away ... but my heart will choose to say .... Lord, BLESSED BE YOUR NAME. In these storms of this crazy world - I want to cling to you, because that is the absolute only thing that I am sure about anymore. He is the only thing I am sure of.

No, I don't know how or why He works, but He is there, and always will be. And He LOVES piddly little me. Enough to tell me that I need to DISCOVER Him again. And that is where I am.

Define Weeds.

My boquet of flowers sitting on my table came from the ditch. That's right, the ditch! :)

Queen For A Day!

I went to a women's conference at our church a couple months ago. There was a chance to nominate someone to receive queen for a day (spa day). I was overwhelmed by the nominations and the sweet, sweet words that were so selflessly given. Everyone in the room wanted to bless another with this day, and quite honestly, I felt a little guilty up there receiving this wonderful package. A spa day wasn't exactly "me".



1. Hair done however I wanted! My sister has always done my hair - since I can remember school pictures. I have only been to a salon once for me - for a wedding that I was a bridesmaid in.

2. Massage! My love languages are words and touch - so the whole "touchy thing" had me a little freaked out - being alone in a room not wearing much and touching going on??? Uhhh.... I had never done it - I am the one that gives the massages, not receives them - I used to rub my mom's feet for 10 cents. :)

3. Nails! LOL - I do NOT have pretty nails, blogging friends. What on earth would I do with a manicure? I was quite sure it should have been someone else. :)

4. Lunch with my friends. Now THAT I can do!

So here is the manicure. I had a GREAT time - this lady was very nice, we talked a lot about Andy and about the tornado disasters. She advised me to use a nail strengthener - LOL. Okay, okay.

Then we went to my favorite place ever to eat - a cute diner downtown - I am very partial to this place ........ I used to work here and LOVE it!! This is me and my sister, Wendy - she rocks.
And we met T and Mary (last post was September 2006! My blog slacker.) there - they are awesome - and we had such relaxing conversation....I just love them!! It made it a girlS day out!

Now for the massage I was so nervous about.....this was the room I was awarded! After I was ready, the massage therapist came in and laid it out there - "We can sure talk if you want to. I won't bother you - unless you want to chat. You can let me know if it is too much pressure, or too little, and feel free to ask any questions." :) :) thank you - I had no idea. It. Was. Awesome. We talked a little, but it wasn't weird at all - she was wonderful! :)
Then I cheated a little bit. I sent my sister to get her hair done. You see, she is a hairdresser and always cuts her own hair, colors her own hair, and does everyone elses. So she colored and cut my hair before our spa day, and she also got a cut and color! I was SOOO happy to see her SIT IN THE CHAIR! lol, she's the best!

I had the best day! And completely felt like a queen and a half. :) So thank you so much to my blogger buddies and you, visitor, ;) that were there and sent in a little pink slip for me - I. Love. You. And I had an amazing time!

P.S. I have not worn nail strengthener....I should really get on that....3 more broke today. :)

Smile!

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.



An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'